Going to Seed

My last blog was about this 'pregnant time' and now I'm going to seed! For my backyard botanical sketch this week, I spent some time studying the bronze fennel which seems to be pretty happy in our back yard. I like its color in all its phases and I also like that it attracts swallowtail caterpillars to its branches. It is fun to watch the caterpillars grow considerably each day. Still waiting for them to appear this year...

I was working on rendering the flower heads and the sun went behind a cloud. The effect was kind of like seeing images in the dark when lightening strikes or an x-ray vision. The seeds of autumn were apparent, just below the flowery tops, in the lower light. In bright sunlight, light streams through the flowers and illuminates the whole. In clouded light, shadows darken the seeds in formation. It was quite a dramatic transformation and was happening in quick intervals allowing me to marvel at this effect. 

And just as I was reminded of a time of life in my last blog, once again, I related this vision to my life--actually, this time of my life. The pandemic has given me permission to go a little wild. I've not had a haircut for almost 6 months and I quit blowdrying my hair. I was just curious about what was really essential right now. Maybe not too much... But, I've been pondering a haircut and also wondering what I'm really looking like these days. I can't see what I look like without my glasses without my glasses. So, I decided to take a selfie without my glasses and slip my glasses on to see what I looked like. 

Well, it turns out that the bloom is off the rose. Nothing horrendous, just that I won't be attracting pollinators anytime soon. I must have been reflecting on this while rendering the flower/seed heads and realized that actually, my 'fertility' at this time is more like that of the seed head. Rather than trying to cling to wilted floral glory (which no self-respecting bee is going to buy), my energy is channeled into seed sowing activities that (I hope) bring beauty and new life into my world. 

I appreciate the beauty of the bronzy seed heads of the fennel. Their texture is alluring and they appear ready to generously spread their little bursts of energy. In fact, it is hard for me to resist assisting them in this. Considering where they appear, I think nature is most effective in the re-seeding. But, how lovely to think of the swallowtails that will be appearing...

I am going to get a haircut and I'm putting some thought into how to be an attractive seed-sower. At my birthday, I gave myself permission to be a flower fairy. Maybe I should have made that a seed fairy.