Today is the anniversary of moving into our home. We have lived here for 37 years. Thirty-seven years ago on November 8th, it was cold and rainy. We learned why the previous owners had stuck around in the backroom while we looked at the house on a rainy September day--the roof leaked! We huddled around the little round oak table in the dim light (we didn't seem to have many lamps) and ate our slapped together supper.
I was almost 8 months pregnant and David had decided that we would need more space. I had spent the last year painting and cheering up the small ranch house that David had owned for 13 years. I even stripped the hardwood floors and waxed them--that might have shaved a few points off of Jacob's IQ... The new house was larger and our small holding of furniture seemed meager in the space. David had not been convinced of the size of the house and required a visit with a tape measure to assure himself that it was big enough. (He might be more comfortable with abstract numbers.)
Today, it is sunny and pushing 80 degrees. Our house is full even with new space added within this decade. When Mary was home over the summer, we began a process of thinning the stash of stuff. This process is going to take a while. This house has been both embracer and launching pad through the years, giving me the ability to let go when necessary.
The location of our home has been key to our life as it developed with kids. Although I toyed with the idea of using the Waldorf School as a model for homeschooling, I have been fortunate that David serves as a kind of speed bump to my enthusiasms and that idea was squashed. I had to let it go. Fortunately, a friend suggested a preschool for Jacob. I hadn't even considered preschool and this was the time when, if you didn't get your child in the right preschool, well, they wouldn't get into Harvard! The kids loved Temple Adath Israel Preschool and I could see that they enjoyed meeting other kids and developing their own interests, even at that age. We are crawling distance from public schools and the kids thrived. We are also close to the University of Kentucky so David could easily commute by bicycle to the campus.
There was room in our home for creating and for friends to come over. I perfected my chocolate chip cookie recipe and began making pain au levain (daily bread). A half a dozen years after moving in, we had a new resident, my grandmother's old single-action pedal harp. That addition set the stage for a new kind of learning in the house. I began Suzuki harp lessons and a couple of years later the kids started harp and cello Suzuki lessons. (David's speed bump was not engaged apparently! I got in my fill of homeschooling in spite of myself.)
At the turn of the century/millennium, I got the hankering to have a place near water. I was thinking about how much I loved being at my paternal grandparent's resort in Michigan in the summers and my children had a similar situation when we would visit my mother in Maine. My stepfather's family had a home that was pre-Revolutionary War, and he had some land at the shore where they built a small cottage, one bay over from Frenchman Bay. I knew that my children would not have access to that setting down the road and so one year, after our summer visit to Maine, I went out in search of a lake place. In no time at all, I spotted a lake of interest with two houses for sale. David refused to go (speed bump) but Jacob went with me. We were amazed when we turned onto the road off of US 68 and just over a rise, a beautiful lake, lined with graceful reeds, appeared. The road serves as a dam to the spring-fed lake. It probably didn't hurt the cause as far as Jacob was concerned that there was a small 9-hole golf course on the slopes coming off of the lake. He could even have a sort of membership there (the closest he would come to belonging to a 'country club' under our sponsorship.) One of the houses had already sold, but the other one was situated on a gentle slope that led down to the shoreline. It was so peaceful and beautiful. I was enchanted and Jacob was enthusiastic (this was key). When we went home with our report, I suggested that David and Mary come check it out and if they didn't like it, I would drop the idea of a lake house.
We scheduled a visit with the realtor and to my surprise, David liked the place! The magic continued there as we met such wonderful people in the Carlisle community. As it turned out, I had to give up my habit of chocolate chip cookies and daily bread, so it was good that we met a farmer in Nicholas County who also had/has Lexington connections. We joined his CSA and vegetables became increasingly important. Place was affecting our wellbeing.
Since we had the place in Nicholas County and there was an Episcopal church (St. Peters Episcopal) midway between in Paris, Kentucky, we started going to church there. This pleased David's heart and we became involved with that community as well.
Meanwhile, the kids were growing up and getting ready to launch. My dream that the lake house would be the place of their dreams to return to wasn't happening. They had friends and their own dreams in the making. David and I were going out to the lake mostly to do maintenance work. I had a studio out there, but if David were ailing, I couldn't count on being able to go out there. I had to let that dream go.
Being part of a community is important to me and I knew it would not be effective to try to be a meaningful part of three communities. Perhaps others can do that, but I find it difficult. I also was coming to understand that I am more of a village person, not country or urban, but village. Our home in town in Lexington is kind of like a village. We have within walking distance a wonderful hardware store and a major grocery store. My favorite places like Ashland Estate and the Arboretum are close by. We made plans to consolidate the houses, adding space so that we could have a nice study for David and a studio area for me. The house really works for us. We did quite well during the pandemic.
We are also fortunate to have a farmers market just up the street. Much of our meal tonight came from there. Featured is a beautiful loaf from Wild Lab Bakery--fig and garlic with herbs. Delicious! I am trying to find the balance in eating that is good for the earth and for my aging body. I may not perfect this, but I will enjoy the journey!
Something that I've also come to realize is that being close to a university has been important to me. The University of Kentucky has been a constant in my life since the age of five. Being in proximity to a universe of ideas has naturally integrated my understanding of the greater world and it has inspired my creative work.
Letting go has allowed me to deepen my relationship with home. Breadth has been replaced by depth. Our home has been steadfastly supportive through the years. I am grateful for the people we have met during our expansive years. They are very dear and continue to enrich our lives. I am thinking of all the ways my art and creativity have been influenced by relationships along the way. And I'm grateful for a home that has been able to hold all these experiences so generously for thirty-seven years.
Of course, at some point I will have to let go of this home for some reason or another. But, in the meantime, it has proven to be a wise and stable guide. Thank you, my dear home.
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| David at our 37 years at home celebration |
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